sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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