it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
