Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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