Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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