I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
