everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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