I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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