i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
