He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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