so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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