I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
