When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
