oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And then he peed in my hair
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