I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
