a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
