my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
