i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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