when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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