Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
