Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
