Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
