whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
