I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
