Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
