I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
