none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The air was thick with penises
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
