dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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