im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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