why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
