Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
