I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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