how can u be prego again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
