You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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