I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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