You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
