I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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