Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
