Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
