I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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