so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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