I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
