The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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