There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
