I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
