glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
