she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
