Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
