now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
