It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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