One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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