is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
