I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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