Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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