He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
