brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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