there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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