just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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