i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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