but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
