To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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