I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
