Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
