Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
