I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
