therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
