i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
