I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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