you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
