when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
