She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
