haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to have your abortion
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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