Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
