i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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